Since when did we become a nation of whimps? As parents, we fear the whining of our children. Even the slightest expression of discomfort by a child brings it's parents into compliance with nearly anything they want.
And once you establish a baseline of inappropriate behavior, the child uses that as a new base from which to negotiate more inappropriate behavior. Every step in the wrong direction just brings more opportunities for whining to get even more.
That is the job of the young ones... to test our limits. And whining is the hallmark of a limit being tested. I don't WANT to go to bed yet. I don't WANT to eat my peas. I didn't WANT a hot dog, I wanted a HAM-BURGER!!! WHAAAAAAA!
Next thing you know, Mom is turned into a short order cook, making sure every kid gets their own whims addressed. Suzy won't eat rice and Johnny won't eat pasta. So we make two of everything, every night... one with a side dish of pasta, the other with a side dish or rice. WHEEE!!!
Failing to set limits and enforce them, even with all the whining going on, only sets the stage for more difficult moments later on. I have a friend who is struggling right now with her daughter's need to purchase a new car. A few days ago, her old car was totalled. This is the second car that this child has totalled, and Daddy believes that of course his 22 year old baby girl has not been at fault for ANY of the problems she's had. THey're taking the insurance money and looking for a brand new car. A BRAND NEW car. Not a USED car, like what Mom & Dad always buy, and what Mom & Dad and big brother drive.. no... a BRAND NEW car... because baby girl has been researching cars and found one that she likes and of course it happens to be a NEW car model and why would anyone get an OLD car when they CAN get new...
Baby girl doesn't have a real job yet... just an internship that's scheduled to start in a week or so... but never mind, Daddy will co-sign. Because after all, if he doesn't, she will be disappointed. And we have not been teaching our children (now young adults) to withstand the crushing disappointment of having to accept a car that is not what we might have hoped to get. If he changes his mind now, she might have to re-research the whole thing, go shopping for a USED car (one that she can afford without a loan and a co-signer)...
It's all so sad, poor kid. Did all this work to find the PERFECT car for herself, and without her parent's help, she might be denied the opportunity to HAVE that car. Mind you, Mom & Dad do not drive new cars. They are NOT the "new car buying" types.
Somewhere along the line, this Daddy stopped wanting to endure baby girl's whining. I'm sure he figures he's finished with the hard part of parenting and it's time to enjoy the kid as she sails into adulthood, finds love, gets married, finds job fulfillment, has babies, and starts to visit on holidays and beg for Mom to PLEASE do everything the way it was done when she was little... because all that stuff that she fussed & whined about back then, is suddenly precious to her now.
But she's not there yet. None of them are. Parenting doesn't really stop, ever... does it? Hopefully, someday, I will train my kids how to gracefully accept aging, how to manage the long term planning and thriving... how to continue to be a lifelong learner, long after the job requirement for continuing education has ended.
Unfortunately, too many people today are letting the kids' whining change their minds about stuff... about requiring the kids to study... about requiring the kids to entertain themselves without the use of electronics... about requiring the kids to eat WHATEVER Mom puts on the table.
Today, on Fox News Network, there was an interview of an educator, about Common Core. Suddenly, I understand. It's about having common requirements for what kids should know. It's not about "teaching to the test"... but unfortunately, that's what a lot of teachers and school systems have turned it into. They teach to the test, not to the information. They're not as much about teaching the kids how to think, as they are about teaching them to memorize a lot of standard information. I suppose this is an improvement over the dumbing down of education where 1 plus 1 didn't ALWAYS equal 2... or rather answering things OTHER than two didn't necessarily mean that the kid was going to fail the test. If he could come up with an explanation of how he GOT to the other answer, he could get partial credit. At least Common Core, in theory, SHOULD do away with that nonsense.
SO, what does this have to do with my Whining rant? Well... the educator being interviewed pointed out that the biggest complaints about Common Core was that parents were upset that the children were whining, having difficulty with the concepts, upset about their homework. And this educator pointed out that this is the job of a parent, to make the kids DO the homework, to help them learn the hard concepts, and not to let the kid's whining stop them from that goal.
BRILLIANT!
Why didn't I think of that?
OK... so here's what I think. There's a saying, "if you look good while you're exercising, you are not exercising hard enough"... I think maybe we should apply this principle to parenting and whining... "if your kids are not whining, you're not parenting properly"... hmmm... maybe it'll work.
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